Beyond the Smile: How Toxic Positivity Impacts Anxiety

We’ve all heard it before—those well-meaning but dismissive phrases like, “Just stay positive!” or “It could be worse!” While these words are often shared with good intentions, they can unintentionally do more harm than good, especially when someone is struggling with anxiety. This is what’s known as toxic positivity—the belief that we should maintain a positive mindset no matter how difficult things are.

But for anyone who’s experienced anxiety, you know that it’s not that simple. Sometimes, hearing phrases that dismiss or minimize your emotions can feel invalidating, leaving you feeling even more alone in your struggle.

In this post, we’re going to talk about why toxic positivity can actually make anxiety worse and what genuinely supportive and helpful responses look like instead. Because while positivity has its place, real healing starts with acknowledging, accepting, and understanding the reality of what we’re feeling.

What is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how difficult or painful a situation is, one should maintain a positive mindset and avoid negative emotions. It’s the idea that happiness and optimism should be constant, even when facing anxiety, stress, or hardship. While encouraging positivity can be well-intentioned, it becomes toxic when it dismisses or invalidates real emotions.

You’ve likely encountered toxic positivity in common phrases like:

“Just stay positive!”

“Look on the bright side.”

“It could be worse.”

“Don’t be so negative.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

While these statements are often meant to comfort, they can make someone struggling with anxiety feel ashamed, silenced, or misunderstood. Instead of encouraging healthy emotional processing, toxic positivity can pressure people to suppress their feelings, leading to increased stress and disconnection.

The truth is, negative emotions are a natural part of life. Ignoring or minimizing them doesn’t make them disappear—it often makes them stronger. Real support involves acknowledging the hard feelings and creating space for them to exist without judgment.

Why Toxic Positivity Can Make Anxiety Worse

While positivity can be uplifting, toxic positivity—the dismissal of negative emotions in favor of a constant positive outlook—can actually intensify anxiety. When someone is struggling, being told to "just think positive" or "look on the bright side" can feel invalidating. It sends the message that uncomfortable emotions are wrong or unacceptable, leading to feelings of shame and isolation.

For those experiencing anxiety, toxic positivity can create pressure to suppress genuine emotions. Instead of acknowledging feelings like fear, uncertainty, or stress, individuals may feel compelled to mask their struggles with forced optimism. But anxiety doesn’t disappear just because it’s ignored. When emotions are pushed aside, they tend to build up, often becoming even more overwhelming.

This kind of dismissal can also lead to self-doubt and self-criticism. When someone feels like they should be "stronger" or "more positive," it can trigger feelings of failure, guilt, and frustration—adding another layer of emotional distress. Toxic positivity also fuels isolation, making people feel like they're alone in their experiences or that their emotions are invalid. Over time, this discourages vulnerability and honesty, which are both key for healing.

True support doesn’t come from telling someone to “just be positive.” It comes from creating space for all emotions to be seen and heard. It’s okay to feel anxious, scared, or uncertain. Accepting these feelings as valid and normal is an essential step in managing anxiety and finding real relief.

What Actually Helps When Someone is Anxious

When someone is experiencing anxiety, the most helpful response isn’t telling them to "just relax" or "think positive." What they often need most is understanding, validation, and support that meets them where they are emotionally. Anxiety is complex, and managing it requires more than surface-level reassurance—it requires empathy and actionable strategies.

One of the most powerful things you can do is validate their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel anxious and that their emotions are real and understandable. Instead of dismissing or minimizing their experience, try saying things like:

“I can see that you’re feeling overwhelmed, and that’s okay.”

“It’s completely understandable that you feel this way.”

“I’m here for you. How can I support you right now?”

Offering practical support can also be helpful. This might mean reminding them of simple grounding techniques, encouraging deep breathing, or simply sitting quietly with them. The goal isn’t to “fix” the anxiety but to help them feel safe and supported as they move through it.

It’s also important to avoid rushing someone’s process. Everyone copes with anxiety differently, and it’s okay if someone needs time to calm down or express what they’re feeling. Sometimes, just holding space—listening without judgment or offering a comforting presence—can make all the difference.

In the end, it’s about being patient, compassionate, and letting the person know they’re not alone in their struggle. Small, genuine gestures of support can go a long way in helping someone feel seen, heard, and understood.

How to Be Kind to Yourself (Without Forcing Positivity)

Practicing self-kindness doesn’t mean pretending everything is okay when it isn’t. It’s about allowing yourself to feel whatever emotions arise while offering yourself the same patience and understanding you would give a friend. True self-compassion acknowledges the struggle while still providing space for growth and healing.

One way to be kind to yourself without toxic positivity is to embrace emotional neutrality. Instead of forcing yourself to be happy, practice saying, “I am feeling anxious right now, and that’s okay. I don’t have to fix it immediately.” This simple shift removes pressure and allows emotions to come and go naturally.

Another helpful approach is to replace harsh self-talk with compassionate language. Instead of, “Why can’t I just get over this?” try, “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.” Recognizing that struggling doesn’t mean failing can make it easier to sit with uncomfortable emotions without self-judgment.

Self-compassion also includes taking meaningful action when possible. This might mean creating a routine that prioritizes rest, setting boundaries to protect your energy, or engaging in activities that bring comfort—like journaling, walking, or simply taking a break. Small acts of care can remind you that you are worthy of kindness, even on difficult days.

Lastly, remember that it’s okay to feel multiple emotions at once. You can acknowledge hardships while still holding space for hope. Instead of forcing positivity, allow yourself to say, “This is hard, but I trust that I will get through it.” Being kind to yourself means accepting every part of your experience—without judgment, without rushing the process, and without pretending everything is perfect.

Anxiety is complex, and while positivity can be helpful, it should never come at the cost of denying real emotions. Toxic positivity often dismisses the very feelings that need acknowledgment and care. But healing starts with creating space for all emotions—both the light and the heavy. It’s okay to feel anxious, uncertain, or overwhelmed. These emotions don’t make you weak; they make you human.

True support, whether from others or within yourself, comes from validation, understanding, and compassion. You don’t need to force yourself to be positive to deserve kindness. Sometimes, simply sitting with your feelings, acknowledging them, and offering yourself gentle care is the bravest thing you can do.

So, let this be your reminder: you are allowed to feel what you feel. You don’t have to rush healing or cover discomfort with a smile. Be patient, be kind, and let your emotions exist without judgment. That’s where true strength and growth begin.

You don’t have to be positive all the time to be worthy of love, care, and understanding. Your feelings are valid, even when they’re uncomfortable. Be patient with yourself, allow space for every emotion, and remember—healing isn’t about perfection, it’s about progress. You’re doing better than you think, and that is enough.

With Love Always,

Kristina